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Our mantras, for when we forget

October 10, 2013

I used to kill off my husband at least once a week.

Not literally of course. Sheesh!

And not because I wanted him dead.

No. My husband died in my imagination in a number of gruesome ways. What I feared most, I felt instantly. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I rehearsed the speech to the kids, the eulogy, my introduction to the first new person I’d meet after.

I am a melancholy. We do these things. We are not pessimistic in that we believe any of what we envision will actually occur. We are creative and emotional souls.

I have a melancholy friend who used to be a co-worker and every time we were left alone together the world fell apart. We couldn’t help it. We imagined, and felt, the worst.

As a melancholy, I have to be careful how I answer, “How are you?”

Because what I feel

is that I’m doing too much even though it’s “good” stuff

and money is kind of tight

and it’s hard raising a teenage boy and always questioning if he’s really as naive as he seems

and I wish I were writing more

and it’s tiring to build a business, a nonprofit, a dream…

October-54

That’s not really how I am. Those are the ongoing ticker feeds in my subconscious.

But I need to remind myself. Like a mantra.

I repeat and repeat…

I am good because God is good.

Because I am healthy

and have a healthy family

and a good marriage

and a home

And the world may be falling apart.

But God is good.

So I am good.

What are your mantras? How do you remind yourself on the days you are forgetful?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. SusanInWords permalink
    October 12, 2013 9:12 pm

    Oh, Beth! Shaking my head in recognition. Psalm 23 has been like this for me. When the crazy swirls in my head and won’t stop (often at night), “The Lord is my shepherd…” has often been the way God makes it quiet.

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