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May 2, 2013

Today’s mail was splayed across our table after my 6 year old proudly retrieved it from the mailbox and proceeded to tear open every envelope. We were flipping through the Valpak when I saw a photo I took last summer for an outdoor living business. Minutes later my other daughter was quoting the Google business coupon offers for two of my ventures and asked, “Mom, what’s the difference between A Face to Reframe and Beth Bruno Photography?” The World Vision letter was read next and unfortunately featured a photo of a malnourished African child: my son began recanting previous tirades I’ve made about ethical photography.

What tangible proof of the fragmentation of my passions! My poor children.

While this morning I ushered a teammate into my dining room, excusing the outdoor cushion sewing project and muttering something about getting bored with myself if I weren’t doing a variety of things, this afternoon I feel cluttered.

In my soul.

Cluttered and fragmented? 

There are days I feel purposed. Purposed for the life I lead and clear about my vision.

There are days I feel scattered and unable to decipher the thoughts swirling around up there, craving focus.

Writing. For instance. Or any creative endeavor, requires a vision. And I wonder, what makes a writer? One who enjoys playing with words the way, as a photographer, I play with light? But as a capturer of light, I have a vision for the image I am framing.

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Mustn’t I have a vision for what the words will become?

My writer-daughter flew into the kitchen earlier, breathlessly demanding lined paper. “I must write!” she declared. About what, I ask. Wolves. There is a story that has to come out. A topic. A word-vision.

And I wonder, today, who am I? Writer? Photographer? Activist?

As a new member of Redbud Writer’s Guild, I am choosing discipline in one of these various passions- the work of crafting a vision for writing that has focus and purpose, routine and structure. It is time to stop dabbling through “variety” and create word-visions.

How about you? Surely you share my feelings of being cluttered and fragmented. Have you found clarity in your purpose?

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