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Post Christmas Blues

January 9, 2013

xmastreeweb

A year ago I began a board on pinterest for Xmas 2012. A year of anticipation, determined to host my entire family in Colorado, to finally realize my goal of creating an advent tradition, and overall, to avoid regret. I wanted to be prepared. All those beautiful creative ideas I drooled over, recipes I longed to try, and family memories I desired to make. With a year of gathering ideas and a plan coming into December, surely I would not reach January feeling disappointed.

I’ve never been so “on top” of things. My advent plan of gifts, activities, and blessing others needed tweaking, but became a much anticipated point in our days. Our “sparkle box” for Jesus was filled with ways each of us gave to him in December. The party for 8 six-year olds was marvelously loud and exciting. Somewhere in there, I managed a Debut event for my nonprofit. And I want to believe that my extended family felt cared for and well fed in their time here…

Yet here I am, feeling… disappointed. Yes, of course, there is the family-leaving-blues, the vacation-ending-back-to-work-blues, the nasty-won’t-go-away-congestion-blues, but what lingers and bothers is that I still feel regret!

I regret not having more spiritual reflection in my advent plan.
I regret not watching that part in the Gospel of John film where Jesus is born.
I regret not going to xmas eve service, singing more carols, focusing our hearts as a family.
I even regret not making more xmas cookies. There you go. Proof. I am crazy indeed.

Cookies aside, I see the theme. Even now, just writing. Not knowing for sure where it came from until the list poured out and I saw, the ugly lie gripping my soul… telling me I’ve failed God. That HE is disappointed in ME.

Oh vicious blues! Regret is self-loathing, embracing failure and disappointment in self.

But God delights in us (Psalm 18:19).
And he “is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
but will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zeph.3:17)

Delight. Dare I replace regret with delight?

It makes me think of the spontaneous photograph taking over the nicely framed pose and bringing me so much more joy:

On Bear Lake 2 web

Can we fill our days with unscripted delight rather than disappointed failures?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. cbabruno permalink
    January 9, 2013 8:07 pm

    Yes!!!!!

    Chris Bruno, MACP, MA Executive Director/Counselor Restoration Project

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