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all about me

May 8, 2012

I turned 38 yesterday. I feel 38. It is no surprise. I am not mourning. I just am. 38.

For my birthday, I received a camera pendant necklace from my almost 12 year old son and a Barnes and Noble card to “buy a book about poor people” from the girls. From my husband, I was given 2 weeks of no meal planning, shopping, or cooking, truly the best present I have ever received!

I feel very known. Very very known. And loved, thought of, celebrated. But SO known! By the people who are with me most.

Unfortunately, we have watched TWO movies about dying parents in the last week or so (We Bought a Zoo and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close), reducing me to tears and fueling all sorts of contingency plans. I HATE it when a parent dies. No child should suffer such a tragedy. But of course, it gets me thinking. How would they remember me? Which shirt would they sneak under their pillow to smell for months to come? Which necklace would the girls fight over keeping close to their heart? Which meal would they attribute to me as “my meal?”

And, since I’m still alive, how would I actually orchestrate these memories? Since I have the chance to burr into their psyches before the fact, what is it about ME that I want them to know is ME?

Cameras? Books about poor people? Complaining about grocery shopping and meal planning?

What else is undeniably ME?

The kids of course said I was now OLD. They think the 1900s is an ancient century. I declared that I couldn’t be old because of all the things I haven’t done yet! I haven’t been to Iran, or Afghanistan! I haven’t gotten my PhD. I haven’t published a book or lived in England. They rolled their eyes.

My aspirations are as much ME as my complaints.

How about for you? What would make you feel most known?

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 8, 2012 9:53 pm

    What a great question! I honestly can’t come up with an answer, which makes me think I have some serious thinking to do!

  2. SusanInWords permalink
    May 9, 2012 2:03 am

    I think it would be quite a tribute if your kids described you forever as someone who always read books about poor people. When I think of you, your compassion is always at the top of my mind.

    “My aspirations are as much ME as my complaints.” How true. I would like to live more in my dreams than in my frustrations. I suspect I’ve been doing the opposite. Glad you’ve reminded me to think on this.

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